July 26, 2008

Funny things that come out of my mouth...

By things, I mean words and phrases.  I don't really do it on purpose, it comes from opening my mouth before thinking.  Or the occasional misreading.

For example last night I said this to my husband (imagine a high pitched whinny voice:  "Stoooopppp, your getting me wet with your cheese condensation."  

I bet you are thinking, what the h*ll is she talking about.  Let me explain.  We live in the Midwest, or as I like to call it 'The Land of Humidity' in the summer.  Last night was particularly humid.  I wanted a cheese stick to snack on.  I took two out of the old fridgeroo, one for each of us,  and by the time made it to the couch the wrapper was already beading with water.  He unwrapped his and shook it in my face while the condensation hit me, hence the phrase that came out of my mouth.

Bet you've never heard cheese condensation before.  Me neither.  

Other classics I have orally spewed:

That was wicked painful! When I hurt myself.

Idiot rod for the Iditorod race they do in Alaska each year.

For the life of me I can't pronounce Liberace's name.

Constanippley for Constantinople

Things I have said while driving with my windows open that have been overheard:
"It's called a leash, why don't you f*cking use one!" To someone who lives down the street who lets her dog run free.  She will even run into the street as you are driving past to stop you from hitting her dog.  A toy poodle.  Not very smart for a lawyer.

"Learn to f*cking drive!" Earlier today as I drove through the subdivision.  We have city wide garage sales today and people come from all over to scope out your crap.  I got an Amen from a guy standing within earshot of my rage.

Actually, I use the above phrase quite a bit while driving.  Usually, I don't get a response, but I'll take it.

Things that drive me nuts when they come out of someone else's mouth:
It drives me nuts when people repeatedly mispronounce words.  At least with adults.  

I work with someone who uses the word Frustrated a lot.  However, she does not pronounce the first 'r' and repeatedly says Fustrated.  One time after she used the phrase I responded with Yes, that is FRUSTRATING, isn't it"  She didn't get it.

What drives you nuts or what have you orally spewed that was hilarious or inappropriate?


  1. ersters (oysters), werter (water), warshing (washing), accept (except) or vice versa, arthur (author)...believe me, the list goes on and on.

  2. Oh and my number one....ax instead of ask. No, I didn't (sharp metal object) you a question, I ASKED you a question.

  3. I have an aunt that says zink instead of sink. That drives me nuts!

    However, I say pellow for pillow and melk for milk. I am also guilty of the warsh for wash. I try to say them right, it just never quite works out that way.

  4. My sister works with a girl who would order "seizure" salads when they go out for lunch. Sis once asked her if she wanted some heart-attack croutons to go with it.


Your input would be greatly appreciated!!!