The last time I posted the school year was just beginning, and next week it will be over for just over 2 months. So much time has gone by, yet I feel like I have gone nowhere. The things I have endured are starting to take their tole and I find myself yearning for who I used to be.
I used to be happy. I used to like getting up in the morning and preparing the daily lessons and working with kids. I used to be able to come home and be able to function without a two hour daily nap. I used to give a damn!
Now, my give a damn is broken and I have NO intention of getting it fixed (at least for the next two weeks!)
So, how did it break? I have been asking myself that question a lot lately.
Is it the two meetings I have every week?
Is it all of the extra paperwork that I have had to do?
Is it the added stress from having been assaulted at work 6 weeks ago, or the fact that the charges were dropped?
Is it the number of fights I have personally broken up this year?
Is the the shattering of my morale by staff members?
Is it not knowing what I will be teaching next year?
Is it, hell fill in the blank_____________?
When asked today "why you always picking on me" from a student I wanted to rebut with "why are you such a fucking asshole that can't stop talking after being asked to stop more than a dozen times!"