Daily Dose of Funny... A trip to the Gynecologist

So, I took a half day off of work on Thursday to go to two, count them two doctors' appointments. The first was a trip to the gynecologist...... Oh, what fun!

I got there a bit early, hoping I would get done sooner. NOPE. Took my information, gave them my card and I was off to the exam room. Of course you can't just go back there, you have to be weighed and blood pressure taken. My BP was a bit high, but can you blame me?

Back in the exam room I had to go over my family health history. Who has what diseases, diagnosis's, and ailments. Then I have to review my sexual history. Have you had any STD's? NO! Have you ever been afraid of your partner? NO! How long have you been with your current partner? 14 years..... holy shit we've been together for 14 years! Then comes "so you have had x (insert number here) number of partners in your life." I looked at her blankly, I honestly couldn't remember if that number was correct. I think I said "I guess so." Come on, when you've been with someone more than a decade you might forget one or two.

She leave the room and the real fun begins! I get undressed and put on my gown and 'privacy' blanket that covers a 3'x3' square and I sit there waiting for the doctor to come in.

.....and wait

.....and wait

..... and wait.

I look at my watch, nearly 20 minutes had gone by. I was about to put on my clothes and go search for someone when I hear a knock at the door. The doctor is finally there. YEAH!!! (there was an emergency ultrasound, which made her late)

Before the exam begins I get lectured on weight loss, and the importance of exercise. Yes, I know I am fat. I have been really aware of it over the last 20 minutes sitting naked in a strange room! But thanks for pointing it out!

The first part is the breast exam. No problem there. She was shocked when I said I do monthly self-exams. Heck, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer a little over a year ago, it's in my routine to check. (FYI- Mom is fine, it was benign. Just a little lumpectomy and radiation and she was good to go.)

Next comes the every favorite internal exam. Scoot to the end of the table. Check! Feet in the thingys. Check! Let my legs 'fall open'. Check! Speculum in place. Check! Sample taken. Check!

Here is the best part..... Legs spread, speculum STILL in, doctor says "WELL, THINGS LOOK AWESOME!"

WHAT!!!!!

Did she just refer to my uterus as awesome?!? In my confusion I think I uttered a "Thank You"? Really, what can you say to that? What would you have said to that?